Well I went to my hospital appointment last week and my BMI was..... big drum roll..... 29.5. The consultant said this was fine and I could proceed to next stage (waiting for appointment with nurse). Got the next available appointment which is half way through July! So more waiting then. Great.

THEN the next day I got a phone call. My BMI must be 29 or under. Therefore at BMI 29.5 I am still too overweight to proceed. OMFG!!! However they are not going to make me cancel the nurses appointment but will weigh me again in July. Seriously for fucks sake this is doing my head in now!!

I'm gonna ring the clinic back though because my weight was 12stone 12lb and my height is 5ft 6inches (at the very least!) - according to the NHS online BMI calculator my BMI is therefore 29.05 not 29.5. This means I have to be re-weighed because of ONE POUND! Arrgghh. Soooo I need to know whether they got a different weight/height measurement for me or if the .05 was read as .5 if you see what i mean. It just seems so ridiculous. Never once did i imagine that ALL THIS BLOODY STRESSING OVER ONE POUND OF FAT was part of the wonderful process of having a baby. It's certainly not the naive rose tinted vision of conceiving a baby i had as a newlywed!!

Anyway i have to stop moaning, pull myself together and just shift a few more stubbon pounds in the next few weeks. Shouldn't be too hard EXCEPT that I have re-discovered food and seem to have gone a bit mental with it!! Decided to allow myself a few treats over the weekend, including meals out with pudding & all, voka & diet coke (was pissed after one pub measure), marshmallows dipped in chocolate fountain, icecream, more diet coke, mincemeat concoction, etc etc etc.

I went to weigh in last night and was delighted to have lost one pound BUT i think it will catch up on me next week. I really need to get my head down and do this stoopid diet properly ALL WEEK. But i am completely and utterly sick of drinking/eating these bloody foodpacks. arrgghhh arrghh arrghhhhhhhh. My willpower has completely deserted me. My self discipline has vanished. I don't feel sad though or guilty or depressed. In fact I feel happier and had the best weekend I have had in a long long time. The problem is it just proves that i do need to eat/drink in order to have a good time! Ugh. I just wish I could get some self control back for a few more weeks. I suppose i have to. I have too much to loose otherwise. But sometimes it is bloody hard work.

I have the added pleasure of an EUA (Examination under Anasthetic) next week for my other tres embarassing medical problem. So, yeah, that's something to look forward to! Means I'll get hospital food though ... yum yum.

ooohhh i haven't blogged for ages cos I've had no inspiration and now I can't stop typing! Funny things blogs aren't they?