Am still here. Still doing the diet...kind of. Doing enough to loose a pound/stay the same. Haven't stuck to it properly... had a slither of birthday cake at my nieces birthday, had a small drink at my friend's wake, have had the odd Freddo here and there. Have eaten out and tried to make sensible choices, have had KFC (2 crispy strips, a small beans & a diet coke.. yum). So i guess really I've been doing my own kind of "management". I'm not supposed to be. I'm still supposed to be loosing weight. Supposed to be trying to get into my healthy weight range. But I've given up being hard on myself. As long as my weight stays the same or goes down a bit then that is fine.

I've realised that I put too much pressure on myself sometimes and that I set myself unrealistic goals then beat myself up when I don't achieve them. (I would never be so harsh on anyone else but am always harsh on myself .. funny isn't it). Anyhow this isn't good so needs to change. So I'm gonna be kind to myself for the next few weeks. I can already feel the stress of the impending fertility treatment starting to build up so the last thing I need is to be obsessing about every morsel of food that passes my mouth. I just need to get to Thursday for weigh-in at hosptial without gaining any weight and then I'll have done it. I will have achieved my goal and the last few months will have been worth it (they are worth it already). Then depending on timing of treatment etc I'm gonna wait a couple of weeks then start afresh with the diet and try to shift another two stone. That would take me down to 10stone 5 .... and what a nice feeling that would be!

Soooo as part of my new "being kind to myself" strategy, I'm gonna book in for a full body Hot Stone Therapy massage asap. Total and well deserved relaxation. Can't wait.

Oh yeah. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday and I'm wearing a DRESS.. not only that but it's a size 14 dress and it looks hot!!! It will be the first time in years that I have been able to put on a dress and a pair of high heels and feel sexy instead of feeling like a drag queen!!! So even if they say I'm still too fat for IUI these past few months of dieting have been worth it just for that feelng alone!